Here's a thought

Christianity, as has been offered to me throughout life, sometimes seems to be about exclusivity. ONLY ME AND JESUS. As if life is about knocking away everything until all you want is Jesus. As I entered my Seminary experience, I kind of thought of my life like a bullseye. The outer circle represented other people--relationships. The next circle in represented me. And the last circle, the inner bullseye, represented God. I don't think I can make this metaphor extend into the rest of my explanation, but bear with me as I bounce around.

So the struggle of life, under this model, is to have God swipe away anything upon which I am leaning that is not HIM--the center. Some of the mindset resulting from this includes thinking (especially when you hit disappointment) "Oh, I must have been trusting this outcome or this person too much! I have been replacing God with that thing or that person!" Then I feel shame, guilt, etc. and beg God to take those things or people away. "I'm so sorry I was leaning on them and not you!" Life's mission becomes getting rid of desire because it is dangerous! And If I can't get rid of my dangerous desires, I will get rid of people who draw them out of me! Who knows when you might just press in too much toward any given thing or person!!! If I do make that unwitting mistake of pressing in too hard, God will come by and knock me to my feet--make me fall into His arms.

In college I encountered a deep hurt from some friends. A life-marking disappointment. A spritual mentor told me to "look on the bright side...God is getting rid of all the distractions to trusting Him alone. God is about the business of knocking away all of the support structures we lean on instead of leaning on Him" The message is that your life should consist of only that bullseye--try to get rid of the other circles. Life is about making space only for God.

I REJECT THAT. I don't reject the ultimate aim--knowing and being sustained by God is the ultimate aim. But I don't think His path is the one of getting rid of everything else in the picture. I think my experience toward trusting God completely has been one of MAKING SPACE, not diminishing space. Making space for others, not getting rid of them. Making space for me, not denying my desires. This makes space for God. There's room for all of us.

It was not good for God and Adam to exclusively inhabit this earth. That's not my opinion...it's God's! The plan is not for Heaven, or Earth for that matter, to be my individual, exclusive experience. It is community. Heaven will be all of those desires for connection many Christians run around trying to erase and feel guilty for---guilty that they actually need others in their deepest points of pain. Guilty that, by needing others and being needed by others, we will end up disappointing eachother at some point. Can people really fill that God-sized space for all of us? No. Even when I lean on others in my points of deep pain, God alone meets me in my soul. But isn't heaven just about God? Yes, God in community.

Why do I need others when there is God? I need others in my deepest point of pain because that is how we are created. Not for exclusively needing God, but for needing God in community.

So my path isn't about God teaching me hard lessons by knocking away all the things that "get in the way" of me leaning exclusively on Him? NO! It is about me valuing all that He's made me to be. It is about being able to embrace others for all that they are because I have embraced myself. And by embracing others and myself, I discover that we are desiring to face our God, the bullseye. There is space for me, others, and God.

So, how does this account for disappointment and pain? The above picture seems void of any "issues." Well, this side of heaven, there is still the issue of sin as seen in pain, suffering, and brokenness. Relating to others is painful. When there is space for all of us, we can learn how to "live in our skin." I can finally have the freedom to communicate where I start and you end, and where you start and I end. It is both autonomy and community--all at once. I can tell people that they have hurt me. I can be told that I have hurt another. I can live confidently with desires for relationship and confidently with all of who I am. I can finally trust. Trust myself, trust others, and trust God. Disappointment no longer is equated with shame.

Pain in relationship doesn't mean that God is trying to "teach us a lesson." We stand together, living in our skin, in the presence of our God. In Heaven, when I no longer have skin to live in, I will no longer experience having to tell people where I start and they end--how I've been hurt or how they've hurt me. Space for us all, in heaven, will have no boundaries.

Life, on both sides of Heaven, is about making space not about hitting the bullseye.